Hiding Insecurities Since 1995
Warning! This fic contains incest theme. Also smut scene with underage member. If you against such, don’t read. You’ve been warned.
For Anon who requested this, enjoy ^^
P.S : The plot will cause a lot of Miscomprehension.
I’ll stay here forever. So look at me. Just look at me only, please.
Matsui Jurina slightly gasped at her sudden retreat of her daydreaming. She realized she was staring at nothing out the window for a long time, long enough to make the window become misty by her warm breath. Creating a large blur spot in the middle of the material, evidence of how freezing the temperature outside.
Her finger unconsciously landed on the surface of the glass material, right at the center of the hazy smudge, and started randomly dragging it across and down. She repeated the action several times until she stopped and saw how she had successfully made a misty window became a canvas painted with surreal grass.
Jurina sighed again and buried her face in her palms. It was that again. It was that haunting feeling and random delusions that always come and go without her permission at times. The feeling that stuck up every time she wanted to throw it out, forgetting it all. She thought it would just disappear by the matter of time but on the contrary, the older she got, the same disturbance became fossilized and almost driving her to zero sanity.
Maybe it would vanish if she vanished as well but, as long as she still stood here, with her. That most likely impossible to happen.
Jurina withdrawn from her hands slowly as she felt a soft tug at the edge of her shirt, she turned her head over only to find a frown and pair of big eyes, stared back directly at her.
“Are you hungry, Rena-chan?”
“Who’s that? Who’s that?”
”It couldn’t be no one if you wear that kind of face while texting!” Jurina laughed while still attempting to catch a small device the other one was holding. She jumped and landed in front of the latter, smirking.
“Ne, Rena-chan. Don’t tell me it was your boyfriend!”
Matsui Rena simply shook her head and slightly pushed Jurina aside, as if asking her to get out of her way. Meanwhile, Jurina noticed the gesture and she still didn’t want to lose, so she just stubbornly stood there, wearing her biggest smile.
“Why don’t you let me know?”
“It’s none of your business! And it’s not my boyfriend.” Rena secretly slipped her phone onto her pocket and before she knew it, it was magically transferred into Jurina’s grip.
“Ahha…let me see…” Jurina playfully waved the phone in the air while Rena just standing in awe, suddenly got pissed but at the same time amazed on how sly Jurina managed to steal it without her knowing.
“Ah! Jurina-chan! Give it back to me!” Realizing Jurina’s height was more than hers, Rena stopped jumping to catch the phone in the air and finally decided to surrender and tell the truth to her mischievous younger sister.
“It’s not a boy.”
The smirk slowly disappeared from Jurina replaced by a curious frown. She was waiting for Rena to say couple more sentence, extending her earlier statement, but she got none. She just saw Rena stood there, looking at another direction as if avoiding her eyes, and she caught a glimpse of crimson tone on the pale cheeks. That time, Jurina was sure Rena was blushing.
“Ah…I see. That’s good for y-”
“We’ve been together for several months.”
Rena walked closer until she just a few inches in front of the younger Matsui. Then with a swift move, she took the phone Jurina was holding. Jurina was surprised at the tone her sister gave her, as if she wanted Jurina to understand something. It was a brief moment before Rena turned her back, Jurina swore to God she saw a small teardrop at the edge of her sister’s eyes.
“Please don’t Jurina-chan. I love her. I love Airin. Goodnight.”
Then the door slowly closed shut, leaving Jurina all alone.
Her hands carefully moved the knife, making sure the apple peeled completely. After that she sliced it into half, then halving the half, and put the fresh chunks onto the plate. And last, she put a small fork on top of it and walked back to the bedroom with a smile.
“Here your apples, Rena-chan.” Jurina put the bright colored plate in front of her sister. She didn’t need nor hope to get any thanks from the older Matsui, but seeing Rena kept staring and left the apples untouched made Jurina itch to ask,
“You want me to feed you?”
Jurina only received a stare as a reply for a moment before she felt something, no, couple of things hitting her face, hard. It was all happening so fast she couldn’t even dodge nor see the suspect. The next thing she knew was a sound of banging and by the time her eyes blinded by the action, she tried to protect her face with her arms, preparing for the next attack. But after seconds passed, none of them were coming. So she decided to take a peek between her folded hands and forced to swallow the reality that it was Rena throwing at her, a plate full of apples; now scattered on the floor.
“Wh-whoa, I’m sorry Rena-chan!”
It was quite lucky that the metal fork didn’t flew out and hitting Jurina’s face as well. She hurriedly picking up all the strewn pieces and roughly threw them into the trash. While trapped in confusion and fear, the young Matsui brought up her valor to meet her sister who now, unexpectedly to her, looked so vulnerable than ever.
The latter just sat on the floor, legs on her chest, knees supporting her chin, and her arms wrapped onto her body tightly while trembling, as if were cold, which was impossible as Jurina sure she had turned the heater on. Taking few steps closer to Rena, Jurina quietly observed that Rena was silently crying. She could see the clear teardrops running down Rena’s cheeks and her lips shook some mumbled words which only Jurina could understand,
“I love you…I love you…”
Jurina sighed, this is happening again. She watched worriedly as her sister trembling like mad while chanting the same words again and again. Then, Jurina did what she had been always doing these times.
“I love you too…I love you too…shh…” Jurina softly wrapped her body onto Rena’s, as if cradling her, as if protecting her from any danger. Her palm slowly rubbed Rena’s back and patted it softly while she kept muttering the same replies again and again. It wasn’t a long moment before the trembles stop and Jurina noticed some movements from the girl in her arms.
“Airin…I love you…don’t leave me…” Rena hugged Jurina tighter and started to cry again. While the young Matsui began to fumble Rena’s hair and whispered,
“Yes, Rena-chan. I love you too. And I’ll always be here…for you…” right after she finished the sentence Jurina felt the hug on her waist loosened and she found a pair of Rena’s eyes gazed at her. She no longer crying, instead a small smile formed in her lips. Seeing the reaction, Jurina automatically smiled back to her sister.
“Now, time to go to bed, okay?”
“Yes…but, Airin?” Rena suddenly pouted. Jurina had already guessed this thing would happened but she decided to ask back instead, “Yes, Rena-chan?”
Jurina nodded and slowly moved her head closer to Rena’s. She saw the mismatched brown eyes slowly closed, waiting for the prize. Jurina withdrawn slightly, hesitated for a moment but then she tilted her head and the two pair of lips soon mashed in frenzy, leaving the trail of heat at night.
Can’t you see Rena-chan? Can’t you see I’m doing this for you?
Even when you’re like this, you still can’t look at me.
Look at me, Rena-chan. Even just for a second.
Matsui Jurina couldn’t stop staring what appeared to be her sister who was standing before her eyes while humming some of her favorite song; her hands busy fixing here and there of her white frilly skirt. Eventhough it had been ten minutes, not even a second Matsui Rena bothered to steal a glance behind and let herself drown into her own reflection in the mirror, searching for some unwanted flaws in her appearance that probably could ruin her plan tonight.
“Are you going out with her tonight?”
For the first time Rena reacted as if she just realized Jurina’s existence in the room she was in. An immediate blush tinted her pale cheeks while she tried to reply as decent as she can,
“Of course. We are dating anyway. That’s just normal thing to do.”
In a brief moment Jurina caught Rena’s eyes on hers before she looked somewhere else, as if afraid Jurina could read her whole mind by just staring. Rena didn’t dare looking at the mirror anymore as a rush of guilt washed her and she chose to pretend to fix her shoes, something that Jurina could see was already as beautifully perfect as her sister.
“I see…well, I guess I’m going to sleep now.” The younger Matsui stood up and started lazily dragging her feet to her room. Before she could reach the door, a pair of slender arms wrapped tight on her waist,
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
Jurina put her arms on top of Rena’s and caressed them softly while muttered, “It’s okay…” at the end of her sentence, Jurina felt Rena’s arms tighten along with something wet around her back of neck. Jurina was about to turn her head to find out what it was; Rena just sobbed on her shoulder.
“Why are you cryi-“
“I love Airin! I really do! But…” Jurina’s right shoulder became even wetter than before.
“About us…it’s wrong, Rena. We both know that.”
The soft sniffs started to turn into hot tears, staining the proper make up Rena had applied for her plan tonight. The plan that she already prepared so well, also she had just destroyed in seconds.
“Go. I don’t want to hold you back, Rena-chan.” Jurina’s soft struggle forced Rena to shift backwards. But instead of letting go, Rena’s embrace became even tighter that Jurina almost hardly caught her breath. Jurina sighed deeply before pushed the other Matsui harshly to the wall. Rena, at first looked scared of her younger sister’s unreadable glare, slowly loosening her grip on Jurina’s waist. Basked in Jurina’s sweet scent; it overpowered her sanity.
“You have to choose.”
“Good night, Rena-chan.”
After guiding her older sister back to her room, Matsui Jurina pulled the blanket up; made sure Rena felt safe and comfortable enough to drive her in a tight sleep. Rena smiled at Jurina’s actions, as if expressing her gratitude. She placed a hand on Jurina’s cheek, caressing it softly. While the other Matsui, couldn’t help but smiled back before laid a kiss on Rena’s forehead. Jurina was about to walk back to her own room but paused as a hand gripped her arm,
“Jurina-chan…sleep with me…”
Rena’s words sounded like a whip to the younger Matsui. It was as if the cloud and storm that engulfed her heart and mind immediately casted away as she heard her name being called again; Rena was looking at her now.
Welcome back, thought Jurina. She didn’t know how much the contentment washed her as she finally got a chance to be seen by her sister again. Even though it usually wouldn’t last long, at least she knew she still owned some part of Rena’s memories. Jurina determined not to waste this opportunity.
Rena shifted aside, giving space to Jurina to lay on. The bed was tight fit for two people though. By any means, Jurina wrapped her arms in Rena’s body, while her chin on Rena’s shoulder. She wanted to get as close as possible to the older Matsui while she could. At least, when Rena was seeing her as Matsui Jurina.
“Good night, Jurina-chan.”
I wish you could see me forever…not as a sister.
It’s been a month since Rena’s date with Furukawa Airi that night, and since that time Jurina had rarely spoken to Rena. They often enveloped in silence even though they were in the same room. If they happened to be spoken to, it would certainly about household matter and yet, they mostly used gestures than words.
Matsui Jurina glanced at the clock that showed it was almost midnight and up till now, she couldn’t even close her eyes. She cursed the amount of coffee she had been drinking since morning. Jurina had hoped the loads of caffeine would help her finish her homework. It did well but ironically it also would be the prime cause of her attending school with panda eyes tomorrow.
Suddenly she remembered when her Mom was still alive and she was ten, she usually made hot milks before their daughters went to sleep. And that milk was really helpful to ease their mind and drifted them to sleep. Jurina found that would be a great idea knowing she would have club activities tomorrow and she didn’t want to spend most of time half asleep or snoring in the school hallway.
Jurina was about to step in the kitchen when she noticed the room at the far end, happened to be Rena’s, still had the lights on. She wondered if her sister was experiencing a trouble sleeping just like her, but that wasn’t the point when Jurina found out what’s more even strange in front of Rena’s room. There were luggages, a huge one and smaller rest. Jurina’s curiosity killed her previous intention that now she walked nearing the room. She heard sounds inside, like someone opened and closed the closet repeatedly. Dying to know what was happened inside, she decided to come in.
“J-Jurina-chan!” Rena startled finding another Matsui was on her way in. Deep down she blamed herself for not locking the door that now she had to face someone she’s been avoiding all the time.
“What are you…doing?” Jurina finally broke the awkward silence since her encounter. There, she found Rena holding folded clothes and another opened luggage that already half stuffed with the same thing. She happened to notice Rena’s closet was already empty; seemed all her stuffs were already packed in the luggages outside. Jurina knew something wasn’t right.
“I’m…moving out. Tomorrow.”
“What?” As if needed a confirmation of what she just heard, Jurina stared into Rena’s eyes, hoping what she heard was just a joke.
“I’m sorry…Jurina-chan. But I can’t see you anymore.” Rena turned around, evading Jurina’s disbelief gazes. She continued to shove things to her bags while keeping her jaw as tight as she could. She was about to cry but she felt she shouldn’t. At least not when Jurina was seeing her like this. Jurina would think she still loves her. Although she still did, she didn’t want the other Matsui to know.
“Where?!” Jurina’s voice cracked as the tears started to well up her eyes. She knew they hadn’t talked, like serious one, for long time and she knew they were in kind of not good atmosphere that night and afterwards. But she didn’t think Rena would do something like this, just to avoid her. Rena is the only family she has and now she had to lose that one too.
“Nee-chan! You can’t…”
Rena shattered back hearing the way she was just called out. It’s been a long time since Jurina calling her “Oneechan”. It’s really been a long time since they both realized their unforgivable feelings that slowly grown for each other. Ever since that time, their statuses didn’t matter anymore. They called each other by names, hugging each other tight, kissing each other in the night, and other stuffs like how two lovers doing. But it wasn’t until one of them realized this thing had to have its end; it was her younger sister. She slowly retreated, something that broke Rena’s heart in the first place. Though sometimes they still act like lovers, but somehow the guilty atmosphere won’t even fade. Then Rena happened to fall in love with Furukawa Airi. She tried to eradicate everything about Jurina in her mind, all the fact that she loves her the way not sisters do. But the more she tried to going out with Airi, though she enjoyed it and her feelings had grown for Airi even more, the more she felt clingy to the other Matsui and made everything went blur once again.
Therefore, since that night, Jurina had told her to choose. And now she already chosen one. But now the way Jurina called her really broke her heart into pieces; she simply stated Rena is nothing than her oneechan. Now clearly that Jurina had thrown away her feelings for her and now there’s nothing to fight about for loving her sister again since she knew her choice was right. Somehow she felt like they back to the beginning, when all the feelings had not grown by any means. Like this forbidden relationship hadn’t happened at all.
“How dare you…”
“How dare you…calling me like that. How dare you!” Rena slapped Jurina at the end of her sentence. She couldn’t hold her tears anymore. All the pain in her chest squeezing her soul more, wanting to get release. All the mixture of pain, anxiousness, anger, sadness, loneliness, and even love driving her mad that she couldn’t think of anything clearly right now. What she wanted the most is Jurina feeling the same pain as she felt. But one slap wasn’t just enough.
Jurina, at first feeling between confused and angry at the other Matsui as her right cheek became blazing in soreness. But she withdrawn from her ego as she saw Rena crying like there’s no tomorrow, her tears were overflowing as if implementing all her unexplainable feelings inside. Somehow Jurina’s heart jolted in grief seeing her sister like that; she hugged Rena tight.
“Please don’t go…”
Rena’s sob somehow stopped as she felt a pair of moist flesh danced on her lips; Jurina was kissing her. She hereby closed her eyes, enjoying everything Jurina gave her all the way, as she knew it would be last time she touched her tonight.
Jurina pushed Rena further that Rena’s back hitting the wall, hard. Rena reflexively moaned but she didn’t want Jurina to let go so she pressed her lips harder and ignored the pain in her back. Seconds passed and Rena felt her lungs squeezed alerting her lack of air. She moaned again and harshly pulled Jurina’s hair. Both parted and they paused just to catch some breaths. It wasn’t that long before they reunited again in a type of kiss that could bruise their lips; their kisses escalated into a hot, wild one, their tongues began to play and their limbs tangled that neither one letting go.
While they were doing this, Jurina felt Rena pressed her body harder into hers. Then she felt Rena began rubbing herself against her; Jurina could feel the mounds grinding against her budding chest. Rena brought up her left leg, and wrapped it around Jurina’s thigh. Now after her body, Rena’s legs followed to play. Jurina couldn’t get more aroused than this, feeling her thigh stroked against Rena’s core that she noticed a bit dampened lately. Rena moaned in bliss between their kisses.
Rena pulled up the edge of Jurina’s shirt over her head, then continued mashing their lips once again. Knowing the habit that Rena never wore any bra when she was about to sleep, Jurina’s hands mischievously massaged the mounds behind the sweats. This made the other Matsui moan at the touch and suddenly Jurina felt the ride on her thigh became even frenzier than before. Then without wasting time, her hands slowly unzipped Rena’s sweats to reveal the prize underneath.
In a moment or two, they both already in the state of undress. Rena pushed herself off the wall, made Jurina stepped backward. Without breaking the kiss, Rena managed to bring Jurina nearing the bed and with a single poke on her shoulders, Jurina fell with Rena hovering above her.
“Rena…” Jurina breathed, she finally called the other Matsui by her name again. Rena didn’t reply at the utterance, instead of telling the younger Matsui to shut up, slammed her lips back to Jurina’s. Rena in the previous state was crying, the rest of the teardrops rolled down to Jurina’s face. Jurina tasted the tears and letting it mix with the kisses. Letting the desires eat away the uneasiness.
The older Matsui slid one of her leg between Jurina’s parted legs and pushed it forwards. Jurina moaned out loud at the strokes, as the place where she wanted to be touched the most finally getting its reward. Rena repeated the action again and again, made Jurina cried while thrashing her head back and forth till her face almost covered with hair. Rena really knew how to turn her on the most.
Enough with the tease, Jurina intended to do her revenge. She flipped the position so Rena was now sandwiched between her and the bed. She began descending downwards while laying kisses all over Rena’s body. Rena couldn’t help but gasped in joy at every kisses that made her inside stirred with arousal. She gently held on Jurina’s shoulders who was now busy swirling her tongue in her bellybutton, making her squirmed and she started feeling the ache in her inner walls burning even more.
Staring at the glistening entrance, Jurina tenderly gave a lick and surprised at the voice emitted from the other Matsui above. They had not done this for long time and both of them almost forgot how the pleasure filled their passionate nights before all the ruckus happened. Jurina was amazed with what she just did to Rena, the opened mouth of ecstasy, with burning red cheeks, and the gentle pulls in her hair were enough to convince her to continue her deeds.
Rena wrapped her legs around Jurina’s head tightly as she continued to suck and lick every part of her aching entrance, begging for a delightful release. She couldn’t contain her moans anymore that now she didn’t care how embarrassing the sounds she made as Jurina’s tongue remembering all the right places and gave her a sensation like she never felt before.
“Ju…Juri-NA! Ahh!” The younger Matsui felt the pull in her hair became even harder and she knew Rena was nearing her peak. Her tongue slowly withdrawn, making Rena groan in disappointment as she was already at the edge and few more strokes she would be over. Suddenly Jurina slammed her tongue back to the slit and gave a long lick upwards and downwards before circling the clit with her mouth. Rena felt like she was taken to the cloud nine and she couldn’t hold it anymore as the gushing liquids come into Jurina’s awaiting mouth.
As she come back from her high, Rena hardly trying to stable her frenzy pace of breathing. Without lapping nor gulping the prize Rena just gave her, Jurina ascending upwards slowly. Their nipples brushing past each other and Jurina gave a slight grunt. Then Jurina kissed Rena again, not as harsh as before; slowly but sure letting both of them taste Rena’s tangy juices in her mouth.
While kissing her, Rena brought up her hand to between Jurina’s opened legs. Without Jurina’s knowing, she thrust a finger to Jurina’s tight opening and began moving it in and out. Jurina’s eyes widen in shock as a sudden pleasure smoldering inside her. Her legs went weak and she collapsed on top of Rena. However, Rena didn’t give any smoother way and kept drilling onto Jurina furiously as she screamed when she added a finger. Jurina couldn’t help but scream in every thrust and she wrapped her arms in Rena’s neck. Her moans became stifled as she now buried her face on Rena’s neck as well. The time Rena thrust them faster the harder Jurina grinded her body against her. Rena became more aroused as she felt Jurina’s bare front rubbed against her own. She determined to make Jurina feel the same sensation as what she had given to her before.
“Re…naaaa! I c-can’t…” Jurina curled her toes as Rena swirled her fingers inside, hitting the jackpot she’s been looking for. Jurina was about to squirm even more but Rena’s other free hand held her waist still. Then Jurina’s back arched, along with her loudest scream in the air; the orgasm consumed her entirely. Slowly, Rena pulled out her now moist fingers and brought them up to her mouth. Jurina, while panting feverishly, watched in admiration as Rena enjoyed licking and sucking her own fingers, tasting Jurina’s sex as well.
Jurina tried to collect herself while still laying on top of Rena, her head on her chest; listened to the heartbeat that slowly synchronized with her own as one. Rena stroked the other Matsui’s hair gently and didn’t say a word as she still waiting what Jurina wanted to say next,
“Why…are we sisters?”
No matter how hard I tried to keep her stay, she’s already chosen anyway. Hope she has a better life with Airin.
But I don’t regret what happened that night. At least I know she still loves me.
Now is already a week…since her leaving. House is become more desiccated than never. I rarely come home and spending most of time on friend’s place. Besides, the more I stay in home, the more I remember her, the more pain in the chest I have to bear.
Ah…the telephone rings. Who it would be?
“Hello, this is Matsui’s residence.”
“Oh! Are you a family of Matsui Rena?”
Eh? My heart skips a beat hearing the name being spoken. What had happened?
“Uh yes…I’m her sister. Who are you?”
“This is from Nagoya International Hospital, your sister had experienced a car accident yesterday. Her friend named uh…Furukawa Airi has died this morning due to massive blood loss. But don’t worry, your sister is still alive and is-”
I don’t want to waste my time listening to her explanation. My heartbeat can’t get more rapid than now. Rena! Rena! Are you okay? Rena! Only her and her is in my mind now. I don’t care how people on the street yell at me as I surpass the red street lights while cycling as fast as I can. No matter what, I have to see her now!
“Dr. Tanaka, she still can’t see me entirely.”
“I see, still hallucinating about her last memory huh? Let me write her a new prescription then.”
“You sure it can’t be cured completely?”
“It can. But need a long time. Her brain damage is really severe.”
“Okay, take this prescription to the pharmacist. Report to me next month, okay?”
“Hey, Jurina-chan, be patient, okay?”
At least I know you still can see me completely. Someday.